


Can’t Say No.

by Namma83



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Genre: F/M, Feminization, Grooming, Hitting, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Punching, Underage Character, blowjob, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26218564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Namma83/pseuds/Namma83
Summary: You were 12 when you first started thinking about boys the same way you thought about girls. You were disgusted with yourself and thought you were a sinner going to hell.
Relationships: Luke Castellan/Percy Jackson, Rachel Elizabeth Dare/Percy Jackson
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	Can’t Say No.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: this Fic can be read in a really awful way as one user pointed out to me in the comments. I just want everyone to know this fic is based off of my own experiences and I included internalized homophobia as part of that. This is not meant to construe any member of the lgbt community in a negative light. Thanks for reading! 
> 
> To clarify this is all from percy’s point of view. Don’t read if you will be triggered by anything in the tags. This was a vent fic written for myself but I decided to publish it so other victims of csa don’t feel alone. I’ll link resources at the end.

You were 12 when you first started thinking about boys the same way you thought about girls. You were disgusted with yourself and thought you were a sinner going to hell. 

It started when You started going to a summer camp for teens, the very first person you met was luke. He was your cabin counsellor, around 17. he showed you around, and made you feel comfortable. You felt like he cared about you and he payed attention to you, which was a rarity in your life. He gave you the bunk right next to his, and told you if you ever got scared in the night to jump into his bed and he would protect you. You thought he was the most beautiful boy to ever exist. You adored him. 

On a cool windy night when the trees scratching on the dusty window reminded you too much of your own home, you sheepishly walked over to Luke’s bed. You tapped him on the shoulder and asked if you could stay in his bed, he didn’t even hesitate to pull the covers back and dry your homesick tears with the rough sleeve of his shirt. 

This happens a lot more often than you’d like to admit. You miss your parents, and luke is always there to comfort you no matter what. You trusted him with your life, so you didn’t think much when he asked if you wanted to sneak away during archery to watch a movie in the cabin with him. He showed you not a movie like he said he would but videos of women who’s bodies looked like cartoons. Big hips with slim waists and perfect full doll lips that made you jealous. He showed you videos of men with cocks that bared no resemblance to your own. Luke told you how beautiful you were, and that he said he’d teach you everything. He never had to tell you to keep this a secret, you didn’t want him to hate you. You wanted to be good for him. 

One of the boys a year older than you is bragging about how he got a handy from a girl in the showerhouse. nobody knows quite what that means, but everyone still calls that girl horrible names and teases her about it. You ask luke a few days later what it means. He says he’ll show you one day. 

Camp is over. You’re packing to go home when Luke comes over to you and slips something in your pocket. He says not to open it until you get home. It’s his phone number, it says to text him anytime you feel lonely. You text an awful lot that year. 

Camp starts again. You still have a bunk right next to Luke, he said he made sure of that. His words pour over you like molten glass, charming you with each and every vowel, his voice caressing you like velvet. You continue to lie in his bed at night when everyone is asleep. He continues to play with your hair and make you feel special. 

After sneaking away to watch videos with Luke again he says he wants to try something with you. Your sea green eyes look up at him as he plays with your hair. He calls you beautiful and opens your mouth with two fingers. He reaches them as far back as you can handle until you gag, saliva running down your chin like liquid gold. Each time his delicate fingers move with precision he gives you tips and tells you to open wider. He tastes sickly sweet, like rotting flowers. You do as he says and you can’t help but feel prideful when he smiles and tells you you’re making progress. 

This happens everytime you’re alone with him, but each time he adds one more thing you can do better. This was normal for you guys, but you couldn’t stop yourself from flinching a few weeks later when he told you with not the slightest bit of kindness to open your mouth. He fucked your mouth hard, without apologizing for bruising your delicate neck from gripping it. You cried that night in Luke’s bed, while he whispered comforts in your ear about your beauty. You wish you were anything but beautiful. Maybe then he wouldn’t have done what he did.

You leave camp. You text more. Luke starts to call you, only at night while everyone is asleep and can’t hear you gagging on your own fingers in your room. School goes by like a blur, and the teachers grow more and more worried about how you seem to have an infinite number of nicks and scratches on your arms. No one says anything. 

It’s your 14th birthday when Luke shows you how to please him with your hands. He guides you up and down himself before letting you try. He squirts everywhere and makes you clean it up, but he says he has. a present for you later that night. He takes you out into the forest, with a flashlight and a blanket. He says he wants to show you his favourite spot. He takes you to a clearing in the wood, where the stream runs through and there’s no one around for at least half a mile. He sets down the blanket and tells you to take off your clothes and lay down. You listen to him and he starts to suck you off. You feel dirty for liking it, you absolutely hate yourself for thinking of Luke like this, like a sinner. You’re scared for him, and you want to protect him from a lifetime in hell.

The stars in the sky make for a great distraction, you don’t want to think about what he’s doing to you. You listen to anything other than the dirty words spewing from his mouth in between having your cock jn his mouth. The sound of the creek almost drowns out the pounding in your head, and the disgusting things he’s saying. It’s not enough. 

It’s the last day of camp. Luke tells you he’s moving into the apartment building two down from you in a month, so you’ll have more time for games. You’re terrified but at the same time you’re grateful for how much attention luke gives you. Your mom works like a dog to support you and make sure you have every advantage you can get, but it comes at the expense of her being there. Your stepdad is nice, but he is a teacher so he has other kids to worry about. 

You’re on exam week. Your parents are working during the day while you’re at home, and Luke comes over daily. He sneaks in through the fire escape, most often staying the night in your bed. Everyday you’re home alone he fucks you into the mattress, your legs up in the air and at the right angle your hips curve just right into a perfect doll shape. You feel perfect like that, but the second Luke is gone and you’re empty you stand in front of your full length mirror and wish you could mold your body like clay and make it into the perfect female shape. 

On your 15th birthday luke starts to take pictures of you. He buys you pretty outfits, laced bra’s and beaded thongs and has you pose for him. You gracefully do as he asks. You never question what he does with the pictures, but he assures you that he never keeps your face in them. 

On your 15th birthday luke starts to take pictures of you. He buys you pretty outfits, laced bra’s and beaded thongs and has you pose for him. You gracefully do as he asks. You never question what he d no oes with the pictures, but he assures you that he never keeps your face in them. 

You’ve gotten used to Luke’s patterns. On a good night he’ll make you get on your knees, the rough carpet floor leaves imprints in your legs, setting them on fire. Then he’ll make you suck him off until he’s satisfied and then he’ll fuck you gently. On a bad night he throws you around and uses you like a useless rag doll. You suppose that’s all you are, a doll to be played with and tossed aside when you aren’t useful. You figure this is your punishment for having those awful; disgusting, and sinful thoughts about men. Every morning before school you sit at the edge of your bed and pray to god to fix you and to make you normal. It never seemed to work. 

Camp that year was particularly hard. As always luke made sure you were close to him, almost never letting you out of his sight. He would fuck you in the shower house during the day and would sneak you out of an activity at least once a week and fuck you in your cabin.u You’d almost been caught a few times, but no one found out. You cried an awful lot that summer. 

School was the one time of day you could get away from Luke and your parents. You couldn’t get away from them enough these days. The cuts on your arm expanded to your legs, and you couldn’t even do what normal boys your age did to get off because Luke hadn’t ever shown you how, and everytime you tried you got too frustrated and ended up throwing something. You got in a lot of fights at school just to feel something, even if it was getting your nose broken by the strongest kid on the football team. 

Luke picked you up from school and dropped you off a block away from your apartment everyday. You had no real escape and you felt like you were going to be trapped forever. Your parents smothered you, always trying to talk about feelings and being open but all you wanted to do was have them leave you alone. 

It’s June. You should be leaving for camp in a week but you begged your parents not to send you this year. You wouldn’t tell them why but the tears in your eyes convinced them to keep you home. 3 months without Luke, you needed a break. You deserved a break. 

Luke was mad when you told him you weren’t going to camp. You lied and said that your parents couldn’t afford it, he offered to pay for you but you told him you couldn’t accept it. He was furious about it but you convinced him it was fine. 

That summer was the most free you’ve ever felt. You could do whatever you wanted without fear of Luke getting mad. You started hanging out at the mall, and at the skatepark. You ended up meeting someone, Rachel Elizabeth Dare. She was a handful but she was perfect to you. When you met her, she hated you. You liked her immediately. 

You were trying to perfect your kick flip at the skatepark down the street, but you couldn’t quite get it. You ended up getting frustrated and you were just skating around, thinking. You didn’t even see the girl with spray paint on the ramp you just flew off of. Your skateboard wheels dragged an imperfection on her beautiful design. She swore at you and only stopped when you held out your hand at introduced yourself. She brushed past you angerly and walked away with her paints in hand. 

You ran into her a few more times that week. Once at the mall, at the park, and back at the skatepark. You eventually got her number and you became inseparable, going everywhere together. 

One day, she was painting a new design on your board when you finally gathered the courage to ask her the question that’s been burning your mind since you first met. To be your girlfriend. She said yes and you borrowed your step dads car for your first date. 

When you got home you got the text you’d been dreading for three months. Luke was coming home in a week. You cried into a pillow for the first time in those three months. 

The next time you saw him you had just turned 16 two days before. Luke didn’t mention your birthday. He asked what you did all summer, you told him about the skatepark and how you finally got the moves you were learning down perfect. He smiled at you and told you he would have to take you out sometime so you could show him. You hoped he was kidding. 

He wasn’t kidding. A week later he picked you up and instead of taking you home he took you to the park. He sat on the bench and pulled out some granola bars and water, and an apple. As you showed him what you learned he pulled out a blade and started cutting the Apple up into slices. He told you to sit down with him, he insisted on feeding you the Apple slices. You felt sick as his fingers placed the sweet fruit in your mouth. You didn’t pay attention to who might’ve been watching until you heard someone stomping away. 

You turned to see Rachel, with tears in her eyes flip you off and she stalked away. You tried to run after her but Luke grabbed your arm. You knew better than to struggle against him. He dragged you back to his car. He demanded you tell him everything about that girl, what you told her about your relationship with him. You gave him silence but that didn’t last too long, since the knife in his hand was a good motivator. 

You told Luke she was your girlfriend. The look in his eyes was something out of a horror movie. He backhanded you, hard enough for your head to slam into the car seat. Tears pricked your eyes, but you wouldn’t not cry in front of him. You would not. He told you to end it with her, his voice got deadly serious, or he would end you. 

Telling Rachel that you couldn’t see her anymore broke your heart. You knew Luke was watching from his car, you couldn’t tell Rachel you Needed Help. She slammed the door in your face without a word. 

Luke dropped you off at the usual spot, about a block away from your apartment building. He told you if you said a word to anyone about anything you’d be dead. You have never been that scared. But that didn’t stop him from climbing in your window again that night and following your normal routine, but with an extra punishment for what happened earlier. You cried as soon as he left. 

You’re 17 now, and after your grades get particularly bad the school counselor steps in. She talks to you and asks you about your home life. You give her some bullshit lie and she moves on. She helps you get into classes that will make learning easier. You don’t really care, but it’s a good wake up call. You need to get your life together if you ever want to get away from him. You start working harder, trying to get your grades up and trying to behave better. It’s hard but after a few months of catching up you get your grades up. You’re proud of yourself and you know your parents are too. You don’t tell Luke about your successes though, you want to keep this to yourself. You don’t want him to taint this. 

Your teacher tells the class to start thinking about college applications. You’re terrified that nowhere will take you, seeing as your grades were shit until this year. You panic about it for days, until you finally get the courage to send in your applications. You know it’ll take months for the response, but you still find yourself checking the mail everyday just in case. 

You still have to deal with luke, and he’s gotten worse. He’s started hitting you a lot more. Anything you do he doesn’t like is a smack to the face, or a punch in the ribs. He’s extremely rough with you, even more than before. He doesn’t see you as human anymore, but a toy to fuck and leave to try and put itself back together before he comes and breaks it again. You never get a break from it, every night he’s back for more and you can’t say no. 

Your body is covered in bruises and covered in twice as many cuts and scars. The cutting is your only escape from His Hands All Over You, and it gets to be so much that you completely shut everyone out sometimes and you can’t do anything. 

Summer starts again but this time Luke stays. He says he doesn’t want you getting too bold like last time. You still cry every night after he’s done using you, but you’ve started to formulate a plan. You just pray to god luke doesn’t kill you some night before you can put your plan into action. Some nights you’re genuinely scared Luke is going to snap if you scrape your teeth against him accidentally. The last time you were this scared you were staring at the knife in Luke’s hand as he threatened your life. 

You get several letters in the mail over the course of a few weeks. Every single one tells you how you were not accepted. You get your hope up for every letter but it’s all the same, boring uniform letter and all you can hear is that you didn’t do good enough, that you failed and will never get away from Him. 

On your 18th birthday you get your last letter. You open it and it says you’ve been accepted to new Rome University in San Francisco. You are offered a full ride scholarship. 

You take it.

**Author's Note:**

> Resources:  
> * Child Abuse Hotline -- 800-4-A-CHILD (800 422 4453)  
> * National Domestic Violence Hotline -- 800-799-7233  
> * Missing & Exploited Children Hotline -- 1-800-843-5678  
> * National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD)-- 1-800-622-2255  
> * Partnership for Drug-Free Kids -- 1-855-DRUGFREE or text your message to 55753  
> * Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) -- 1-800-662-4357  
> * National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) HelpLine -- 1-800-931-2237 or text NEDA to 741741  
> * National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders(ANAD) -- 630-577-1330  
> * Overeater’s Anonymous -- Click link to find a meeting near you  
> * Suicide Prevention Lifeline -- 1-800-273-TALK  
> * Trevor HelpLine / Suicide Prevention for LGBTQ+ Teens -- 1-866-488-7386  
> * Crisis Text Line -- Text HOME to 741741  
> * Gay & Lesbian National Hotline -- 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)  
> * IMAlive -- online crisis chat  
> * National Runaway Safeline -- 1-800-RUNAWAY (chat available on website)  
> * Teenline -- 310-855-4673 or text TEEN to 839863 (teens helping teens)  
> * Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network (RAINN) -- 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)  
> * Sexual Abuse - Stop It Now! -- 1-888-PREVENT


End file.
